Episode #7:

Wear Your Crown

Welcome to the sixth step in the transformation process of becoming a virtuosa. This week, I’m showing you how to wear your crown and embrace the challenges that it brings. This step can expose a lot of fear and often feels uncomfortable, but it is a crucial part of creating a life of abundance that you truly love.

As I practice putting on the “crown” of being a podcaster and stepping into this arena, I’ve been confronted with negative thoughts and emotions, fearing the public feedback and not wanting to feel rejected. As you think about your own goals and where you want to be as your virtuosa self, it’s important to understand why putting on your crown, even though it’s scary, is important not only to yourself, but to everyone else too.

Join me this week to discover the next step in becoming a virtuosa, what wearing your crown really means, and how to face the inevitable discomfort of growth. Your crown not only symbolizes authority over your current self, but also that you’re willing to step out of the ordinary and be recognized for who you want to be as your virtuosa self.

WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER

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What wearing your crown means in the context of the transformation tool.

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Why no one is more or less worthy than another person.

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The connection and alignment that exists between humanity and the body.

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How wearing your crown helps humanity move forward.

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The four levels of competence that I teach my students.

FEATURED ON THE SHOW

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Check out more episodes of the podcast here!

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to Becoming Virtuosa, the podcast, with Dr. Susan Crockett. You are listening to episode number seven, Wear Your Crown. This episode is dedicated to Brené Brown, one of my favorite teachers of brave.

Welcome to Becoming Virtuosa, where women learn to love their lives. Do you find yourself frustrated by society’s expectations? Looking for practical advice on how to discover your talents and level up your life? You’ve found the right place. Here’s your host, US News top doctor, robotic surgeon, and certified life coach, Dr. Susan Crockett.

Hello my virtuosas and all my VITs. My virtuosas in training. I’m your host, Dr. Susan Crockett, and I go by Sue here on the podcast because I’m not actually being your doctor here. We are having girl talk. And I am so excited about today’s talk. Today we are going to talk about wearing your crown.

And I’m excited and I’m at peace today. It’s been an interesting week. My oldest son turned 21 this week, which is kind of a how-did-that-happen moment. For those of you that don’t know me personally, I have six children and my oldest is the only girl.

She is the oldest of six and she has five brothers, and they range in age, all of them. From age 14 to 22. So we have kind of a hectic life and it is always a big family celebration when we have somebody having a birthday, even though he’s off at school.

So I want to start today’s podcast with a quote. This is one of my favorite quotes about stepping into our own and wearing your crown. I had this posted - I used to scrapbook when my kids were little. And I had this posted in my scrapbook room and it was a reminder for me to start growing into my virtuosa self way before I even had this concept of virtuosa.

So here’s the quote. Most of you or many of you will probably recognize it as a quote by Marianne Williamson from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles.” The quote goes like this. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I just love that. That pretty much summarizes what we’re doing today in the podcast. Just briefly to review where we are and what we’re doing, we are working on teaching each other and encouraging each other to live the best versions of ourselves, which we call our virtuosa selves. And we are in the middle of a series about teaching a transformation tool that helps us go from where we are in our life to where we want to be.

We are almost through with this. We’re on the sixth step today. So if you have not been following along, I would encourage you to go back and listen to the prior podcasts. They are really awesome. And if you want to, you can download the free transformation tool off of my website. The website is www.virtuosacoaching.com/transformation.

Make sure you put virtuosa ending with an A. So in working through the transformation tool, I’ve asked you to have in mind that one thing, that one part of your life that you wanted to work on improving or changing. And for some of you, it may be losing weight or getting stronger, for some of you it may be not drinking as much, for some of you it may be advancing in your career or managing stress in your life, or maybe you’re a student and you want to become an excellent student, or you’re working towards stepping into your own.

So as we go through the talk today, I want you to think about where you are growing or wanting to change and grow in your life. And today we’re talking about the sixth step in the transformation tool, which is wearing your crown. And what this basically is is the concept of once you’ve identified where you want to go and who you want to be as your virtuosa self, and you’ve identified some thoughts that will help you get there, you need to practice inhabiting that self.

So once we’ve identified those thoughts, we need to practice inhabiting the person that we want to be, our virtuosa self. So when I started this podcast, I had this idea that I wanted to be a podcaster and step up into a public forum. And then I went through actually the steps of doing the first podcast and becoming a podcaster, but there’s been an interesting thing happen over the last month in particular, where I’ve actually stepped into being a podcaster and really feeling the feeling of being in the arena, and some of that we’re going to talk about today.

So today we’re going to have a lesson and then I’ll have an exercise of course, which is what we always do. So let’s talk a little bit about what it means to wear your crown. You matter. You matter as a person; you matter to me. You matter to all of us.

We are all important to each other and we are all connected to each other in this state of humanity. I believe that we were each created and born with a purpose for our lives, and we are all very interdependent on each other, even though we have this construct in our life where we go about our business and our worlds.

I believe that we are really much more interconnected on a subconscious and spiritual level than what we are aware of. So I had an interesting experience this past week. I went to dinner with four friends, and it was a wonderful dinner meal. We had fascinating conversations. And as we were sitting there, I was thinking about this podcast and this idea of us being different parts of a body.

So as a physician, I know you’ve heard me say it before. I see science and god or creation as being reflective of each other, or actually the same thing ultimately. They kind of come to a nexus. So when I think about the human body, I think about it like the skin cell on my little toe is not aware of my heart cell pumping blood, but they’re interdependent.

They depend on each other and there are communication routes through the body that they share. And I think humanity is very similar. I think we each have our specific purpose that creation has created us for, and I think we are very, very unaware of each other, but we have different purposes.

So in our body, we have brain cells and muscle cells, then we have red blood cells that carry the oxygen and we have the cardiac cells that actually pump the blood, and then we have immunity systems like white blood cells. And it was interesting when we were sitting at this table with my four friends this week because I just could see each other’s roles as they would be in the body.

And one of the funny things that we’re talking about was how I, as a physician, just want to go for the fix. Like, as a surgeon, my mentality with my patients but also with my life and my psyche is very much like, I just want to go in and find the problem and cut it out.

And that doesn’t necessarily make me the best life coach because even though I’m certified, I have a hard time just coming and sitting with what’s going on. I want to cut it out. And for me, when I look at the analogy of the human body and all the cells, I’m like, I’m totally the white blood cell, man.

Like, find me something bad, I’ll go cut it out and take care of it. So I wanted to kind of share that idea with you when we were talking about wearing our crowns because if we are all each created to have a specific purpose and to shine, then a good bit of becoming our virtuosa selves is discovering what we were born to do or stepping into that purpose and doing it to the best of our ability.

And there is great joy in finding that alignment with the universe and god and the world. And it doesn’t really do any good that if one part of the body says I don’t belong to the body and stop being part of it, what if your foot said, I’m not a hand so I don’t belong so I’m just going to stop being there, or what if the ear said, because I’m not an eye and I can’t see then I don’t belong to it.

That doesn’t make sense, right? We’re not all eyes. We’re not all ears. So we’ve all been placed as part of the body. Each one of them, just the way we’re supposed to be. And if we’re all the same, if we’re all an eye, than what would the rest of the body be? That’s just ridiculous.

So just as there are many parts of a body or many cells, but one body, we are all our different virtuosa selves, but one humanity. Along with that, in being interconnected, the eye can’t just say to the hand, I don’t need you, and cut it off. And the head can’t say to the feet, I don’t need you.

And it seems like to the contrary, those parts of the body that seem not as important, or maybe weaker, they are really indispensable. They are parts that we may think are less worthy or honorable or that we don’t treat with honor, just as there are people within the body of humanity, some who are famous and leaders, and other who are just ordinary people where we’re just going about doing our everyday things.

But that does not make any person more worthy or less worthy than the other. We are all worthy, just for being born. You are the most worthy that you are now. And what we’re talking about in growing into your virtuosa self and wearing your crown is that you’re stepping into the fullness and the wholeness of that self so that you can perform whatever your role is for the whole body of humanity.

The other side of this, which is really interesting is that if one part suffers, every part suffers with it in the body. And if one part succeeds, every part succeeds with it. So when we think about a body, if the heart starts suffering, the rest of the body suffers. Or if a foot starts being gangrenous, the rest of the body suffers.

So it is with humanity. If there is a sector of humanity that is suffering, we all suffer. And if there is a community of humanity that is achieving and growing and excelling and stepping into their own and their whole, then the whole of humanity moves forward, just like that.

So in order to do this thing about wearing your crown, think about putting this crown on your head. That requires the willingness to step up out of being ordinary and step up into the fullness of yourself. And there is a lot of fear that comes with that, stepping out and being recognized, because the crown is not just a symbol of authority or beauty or princessy stuff.

It is a symbol that you are separate and stepping up into your separateness. And when we think about overcoming the fear of rejection, this is something that takes a lot of time. Now, when we think about the human body and all the cells and parts in it, we don’t think about the red blood cell having fear about the brain cell doing something to it.

But when we think about ourselves stepping up into our place in humanity or our virtuosa selves, it can bring up a lot of fear because it’s uncomfortable at first. When we first put on that crown, it doesn’t feel right. It’s heavy and we’re conscious of it and it takes time for us to step into our capacity to wear that crown and be all that we can be.

So that takes time. But not being your virtuosa self, not choosing to put your crown on your head and step into your capacity affects all of humanity. So I want you to think just for a second about how this goes in a scientific sense, and I want you to just travel with me a second about a little journey about the incredible intricacy of creation.

So I’ve talked a little bit about how the body has all the cells that work together. But if you look at the body, the body is made up of cells, and if you look at a cell, each cell in the human body is an amazing little system all within itself. It’s got its own parts and they all work together. The mitochondria and the DNA and the RNA and the messenger RNA and the plasma and all that.

And if you go look even closer with a microscope to that, you see all of it comes down to atoms. And we used to think that atoms were the smallest identifiable particles and then we discovered that atoms were made up of smaller parts. Neutrons, protons, electrons, and now there are even smaller parts. Quarks.

You can see the infinity of science and creation as you look deeper and deeper through the microscope into the smallness of life. It works the other way too. If we take the body and we look at the body being part of humanity and humanity then being part of the world, the world is one planet in a solar system.

Our solar system is one in the milky way galaxy, one of however million. I haven’t looked it up. Somebody is sure to tell me on a comment. But our solar system is one in the milky way galaxy, and then the universe is made up of millions of galaxies. It’s this incredible repeating system of life and what it shows us is not only our smallness but also our importance in our greatness in being who we are.

So one thing that I’ve dealt with this last week in going from just putting on the “crown” of being a podcaster to stepping into my capacity of being in the arena and speaking publicly is I’ve really been confronted with negative publicity and blowback.

So overwhelmingly, y’all have been amazing. Like, I have just had the most sincere and wonderful comments, and y’all, I am so touched and it is such a honor to be able to talk with y’all this way. But stepping into a platform like this does not come without the trolls and the negativity.

And that has been my biggest fear because I don’t like the idea of being rejected. None of us do. It doesn’t feel comfortable to be called out or pulled out from the crowd. And so I’ve received some coaching on this this week through my coach and as I was going through the week, I am a Bachelor fan. I love The Bachelor.

And I was watching it and the women tell all show was on and they were talking about the same thing. In fact, they brought it into light with a special segment where they talked about the negative blowback and the ridiculousness of what some of these women have faced with comments from people.

And what it highlighted is just how the negative comments and the people that are hyper-critical and really angry and well, that are really just angry and posting inappropriate type of negative comments, it really highlights that that really has nothing to do with the person who’s in the public light at all. That person is a neutral thing.

They’re a person in the public and there are people that love them and people that don’t. And that’s how we know that they are neutral. So if we are that person stepping into that light, we have to be willing to see ourselves as whole and worthy in our purpose and in what we are doing with aligning with our creation and what we’re meant to be.

And we have to see that that is completely separate and has nothing to do with either the praise or the criticism that’s coming from other people. Now, don’t get me wrong. The praise and the comments that are kind and encouraging are just amazing. But it is a dangerous thing to get attached to that praise and adoration.

We have to understand that we are whole in our wholeness within ourselves and as you’re stepping into your crown and your capacity for being your virtuosa self, I really want you to be aware of these kinds of processes that happen.

And these processes are not bad. They are part of what comes with growing into the capacity of being the new self. Part of the capacity to inhabit that virtuosa self, no matter where you’re going in the process.

So let’s just talk a little bit about that because there’s a sequence of competence or a model of four levels of competence that I often teach when I teach students. And as I was thinking about this podcast and wearing your crown and learning to fully step into the capacity of being the virtuosa wearing that crown, this really struck me.

So when I first have medical students, I teach third year medical students. I have residents rotate through. When I first have third year medical students come through, they are very commonly at the unconscious incompetent level. And what that means is they don’t know what they don’t know. They have no idea.

They’re kind of like a teenager. They may think they know everything but they have no idea because they don’t have a concept of what is out there that they don’t know. And my goal as a teacher is to push them through the other three levels of competence so that they can be great doctors.

So we move them from unconscious incompetence to the second level, which is conscious incompetence. Now, that level is the level at which we know that we don’t know what we know. We know that we don’t know anything. All of a sudden you see the students step into being like, oh, there’s a whole lot of stuff here that I don’t know or I didn’t understand.

They become conscious of their lack of knowledge or skill within the field. That is actually a really good place to be. It’s much better to be with a student, especially a doctor student, medical student who’s in the consciously incompetent phase than in the unconsciously incompetent.

They’re dangerous when they’re in the unconsciously incompetent. When they’re in the consciously incompetent, they’re aware that they need to get the knowledge or Google the knowledge or ask somebody or be taught, and that is just a wonderful phase to have a student in because it allows all of this teaching to open up.

And then the third level we get to is conscious competence. And this is the level where the student is competent. They are qualified and have the skills to be able to do what they’re doing, and they know what they have those skills. So it’s not an arrogance. It’s just like, they know that they’ve achieved the skillset to be able to do the work that they need to do.

And then the last level is the virtuosa level. The last level is the unconsciously competent, which is the level which we are so competent at a skill that it gets ingrained in our subconscious and we don’t even have to think about it anymore and we are great at it. So that is the virtuosa self.

If we’re talking about wearing the crown, if we’re thinking about visualizing who we are going to be when we get to that desired outcome that we’re working on in this transformation model, then I want you to think about where you might be on this pathway to competence.

And what we’re doing in first putting on the crown is saying here I am, I am willing to step into this role, and then we are moving through these levels of competence as we are wearing that crown. So let’s do a little bit of an exercise for this.

So I want you to think about whatever your virtuosa journey is that you’re on, and I want you to actually do something different this week. Instead of taking out a piece of paper and writing thoughts, I want you to actually draw a picture of you as your virtuosa self.

Or you can do a picture collage that you can put on your refrigerator or your bedroom door, but I want you to draw a picture of how you want to be, how the virtuosa self is inhabited. I want you to think about what does she think, what does she do, what does she look like, what does she eat, who are her friends, what are her morals, what are her values, what does the picture of perfection look like when she is being her best example at what she was created to do.

So one really good example or easy example for this is somebody that’s on a weight loss journey. It’s very hard to lose weight if you’re always beating yourself up about your body. So one technique that we use when we’re coaching through weight loss and overeating is we teach clients or patients to start letting go of the negative talk and to replace that talk with positive thoughts about their body, even if they’re very basic ladder thoughts like I have a body.

And as they move forward into their goal, it’s not always necessarily a goal weight or it can be, but what we ask them to think about is what does yourself as a thin or healthy person look like? And one thing that’s really interesting is people who overeat think about food a lot. It consumes a lot of mental energy, a lot of their day, and you know what thin people don’t think about? They don’t think about food.

They don’t think about where they’re going to get their next meal. They may think about being hungry once in a while, but it doesn’t consume all that brain space. And so when we make this transition into the virtuosa self, we’re thinking different thoughts, which are driving our results.

So I want you to just take a minute, draw a picture of your virtuosa self. Maybe it’s somebody that doesn’t overdrink. Maybe it’s somebody that’s the CEO of their own company. Maybe it’s somebody who is a great mom and takes care of their household. Maybe it is a wonderful student.

Whatever you’re working on developing in your life as becoming your perfect self, aligned with who you’re supposed to be, I want you to draw a picture or make a collage. That’s your exercise for this week. And then you’re going to place the description of your virtuosa self in the box in the transformation tool.

And this becomes your sixth step towards transformation of yourself regarding the circumstance that you started with. So let’s talk about what I’ve shown you today. I’ve shown you that the sixth step towards transforming yourself and creating a life of abundance that you truly love is wearing your crown.

So this process of transformation may happen in an instant. We can make a decision in an instant. But stepping into our unconscious competence or really inhabiting that virtuosa self takes time. It takes practice wearing your crown, and I want you to practice inhabiting who that virtuosa self is this week. Just picture yourself already being there.

This is my favorite part of the show, I think. It’s the part where we talk about what I’m listening to and reading. And this week in listening to this, I’ve been listening to Sara Bareilles, Brave. Love this song. My favorite version of this is the live version, although she’s put it on several albums I believe, and I’ve heard her play it live.

This song and this theme about being brave enough to step into your wholeness as a person and put your crown on is everything of what I want to encourage you to do. It is why I do this podcast. It is the why that I actually went through stepping into this arena and stepping up to this mic, and I hope that it serves you. I hope that I encourages you.

Along with that, I picked a book also about being brave this week. It’s Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Okay my virtuosas, go wear your crown. Next week we are going to talk about how to sustain your new virtuosa state of being. So we’re going to talk about long-term sustainability of your virtuosa self. Okay my virtuosas, that’s all I’ve got today.

To celebrate the launch of the show though, I’m going to be giving away a pair of virtuosa wireless earbuds. Each week for the first four weeks of our podcast, I’m going to be giving away one pair to a lucky listener who subscribes, rates, and reviews the show on Apple Podcasts.

It doesn’t have to have a five-star review, although I sure hope you love the show. I want your honest feedback so I can create an awesome show that provides tons of value for you. You can visit virtuosacoaching.com/podcast-launch. That’s virtuosacoaching.com/podcast-launch to learn more about the contest and how to enter.

You can also take a peek there of a picture of these beautiful ear pods that will encourage you every time you use them that you are on your way to becoming your own virtuosa. I’ll be announcing the winners on the show in an upcoming podcast.

Okay my virtuosas. I hope that you’ve been encouraged and uplifted. I hope that you are getting one step closer to inhabiting your virtuosa self, wearing your crown. You are all virtuosas in my eye. I hope you have a wonderful week and I will see you next week in episode eight. Love always, Sue.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Becoming Virtuosa. If you want to find out more, come check out virtuosacoaching.com. That’s virtuosa - with an A - coaching.com. See you next week.

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